
Over the years, I have come
to understand a healthy marriage as not just the union in life partnership of
two individuals, but also as a resource, as a well, perhaps, where others can
come and draw upon its strength. A loving
relationship between marriage partners might also become a safe place for
friends and family and others to rest, feel understood, to be nurtured, when life
is stressful. More obviously, a healthy
marriage is a good place in which children can grow up feeling loved and secure
and where elders may support one another as they age. Whether solemnized in public ritual or
un-witnessed in a private commitment, in a religious ceremony in a sanctuary or
in a civil ceremony in front of a judge, a carefully, consciously considered
marriage has the potential to be a place of harmony and order through which the
world around it may be blessed.
In Richard Rohr’s meditation
from The Center for Contemplation and Action this morning, there are
reflections about
“ the lifelong challenge and gift of
conscious, committed love, drawing insights from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin”:

So the path of love expands in ever-widening circles. It begins at
home—by first finding our seat, making friends with ourselves, and discovering
the intrinsic richness of our being, underneath all our ego-centered confusion
and delusion. As we come to appreciate this basic wholesomeness within us, we
find that we have more to give to an intimate partner.

From there, a
couple’s love can expand still further, as Teilhard suggests. The more deeply
and passionately two people love each other, the more concern they will feel
for the state of the world in which they live. They will feel their connection
with the earth and a dedication to care for this world. . . . Radiating out to
the whole of creation is the farthest reach of love and its fullest expression,
which grounds and enriches the life of the couple. This is the great love and
the great way, which leads to the heart of the universe. (John Welwood, Journey of the Heart:
The Path of Conscious Love (HarperPerennial:
1990), 206-207.)
My hunch is that very few couples who decide to
marry actually do it with the intent of becoming a “radiating love” that will
affect the world. Sometimes it just happens by virtue of who the couple is -but
more often, perhaps, the notion of a committed and growing relationship in
behalf of the world may need to be introduced into the consciousness of the
couple to be intentionally nourished as part of their commitment to each other. Those of us who have the honor and
privilege of walking with couples through the process of preparing for marriage
could consider introducing the possibility into their thinking.
My mind often goes back to the ancient
relationship between Abraham and Sarah and the Holy One who placed a claim on
their lives as an aging couple.
As the Holy One
commissions them to “go from your country and your kindred and your
father’s house” the commission continues with “I will bless you…you will be a
blessing…in you all the families of earth will be blessed.” (Genesis 12:1-3)
Their lives unfold in some wild and wooly ways as
the narrative takes shape, perhaps not the best model for a marriage today - - but
the intention in the commission is what is important - as God’s people in the
world, they are blessed to be a blessing. It invokes a certain level of consciousness about
the power of love in a relationship to bless all who come into its
presence.

Vicky Hanjian
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