
Rabbi Lawrence Kushner ‘s book *
Eyes Remade For Wonder
begins this way:
Rabbi Yehuda Aryeh Leib
of Ger, author of one of the great works of Eastern European mystical theology,
the Sefas Emes, commented that when Jacob dreamed about a ladder joining
heaven and earth, he had attained a level of spiritual awareness that would
have filled most people with pride. God
had spoken to him personally and assured him of a successful future. Instead, however, Jacob was overcome with
reverence. “And Jacob awoke from his
sleep....Shaken, he said ‘How awesome is this place!’” To our surprise,
however, Jacob’s ego does not get bigger, it gets smaller! Such reverence, says
the Gerer Rebbe, is a sure sign that someone is on to a great truth. Indeed, every event that occasions reverence
also participates in ultimate truth. “Reverence is the beginning and the end of
everything.”

About five days ago, I had my left eye “done” - - cataract
surgery.
I had heard all kinds of
stories about the various improvements in vision that I might expect.
None of them prepared me for the experience
of waking up on the day following the surgery.
I came down stairs to breakfast and as I looked out at the birthing
sunrise,
my first response was that “Oh
my, I have lost a certain quality of color” - it was as thought some parts of
the spectrum were missing.
I
experimented with closing first one eye and then the other and it was only a
matter of moments before I realized that I was having an
experience
of a clarity of vision I had been missing for
the last few years. Rather than losing color,
I was seeing more of the spectrum than I have seen in a long time.
I stood in awe as I watched the sun rise - -
witnessing shades of purest blue in the pink and orange and lavender light
array that I had not seen before.

I moved to our south facing kitchen window where I enjoy the
daily ritual of watching the morning sun illuminate a tall, silvery, skeletal
oak tree - long dead but refusing to truly die.
With each sunrise it seems as though the glory of God is revealed when
the light softly moves up its branches.
With my new eye, the light reflected in its familiar structure took my
breath away - - literally breath-taking!
The difference between what I saw as glory with my right eye (the “undone”
eye) and what I am now able to see with my left eye left me feeling weak-kneed with
free flowing tears tracking down my face.
With Jacob, I felt the truth vibrating within me: “How awesome is this
place! This is none other than the abode of God, and that is the gateway to
heaven.”

For the rest of the day I moved about my world closing first
my left eye and viewing life through the mist of the remaining cataract in my
right eye and then closing my right eye and viewing the world through the
clarity of my new lense.
How many times
can one say “WOW!” in the course of one day?
The title of Kushner’s book came to mind - - my eye has been “remade for
wonder”
and the effect is one of awe and
reverence for the profound beauty I encounter in each moment.
I have been contemplating this experience - knowing that it
is transitory. When I have the second
surgery in a few weeks, the contrast will disappear. Both eyes will soon see the same array of
color. All will soon become “normal.” Something
in me wants to extract every drop of meaning from what I experience in this “in
between” time - to delight in the contrast for as long as possible - - to stay
in this awesome place that is the gateway to heaven, to dwell in the glory from
moment to moment.

But then a second sacred story comes to mind.
Peter, James and John accompany Jesus to a
mountain top where his glory is revealed to them.
They offer to create three dwellings there -
perhaps a way to contain the glory, to preserve the moment for themselves.
But the master teacher leads them back down
the mountain, informed and inspired - -
transformed by what they have known, but
forbidden to speak of it as they go back to the work of servant-hood in the
valley. (Matthew 17:1-9) He guards against their ego needs.
How easy it would be to get caught up in “the ego” that
would keep things as they are for the ongoing enjoyment of the bliss, the
constant return to the light and the glory and the beauty - - and yet, I find
it is also becoming a distraction in its own way. In mid-moment, I find myself being drawn to
blinking my eyes to enjoy the contrast, forgetting that I may be engaged in
conversation with another person -leaving the present momentarily to enjoy what
only I can see. So easy to fall into the
subtlety of attachment to the fleeting
knowledge of the holy - - grasping - - holding on - - thus creating an
un-holiness, an un-wholeness out of a holy but transitory gift.
Baruch Hashem!!
Blessed is the One who inspires teachers like the Gerer Rebbe, teachers
like Jesus, who remind and correct and re-direct us with their knowledge and
awareness that glimpses of holiness are not meant to be grasped. They are
instances of transformation. They
are brilliance to light us on our paths in awe and reverence, gifts that challenge our attachments even to
the revelation of the Holy.
So - the second appointment is made. In a few weeks my eyes will “normalize.” Even so, I like to think that my eyes have,
indeed, been remade for wonder - that my vision will be clearer - - that
clarity of vision will indeed lead to a state of reverence that is the
beginning and the end of everything.
From time to time, we humans need “eyes remade for wonder”
and especially in these dark and confusing times when reverence for life, for
the planet, for order,

for each other and even for ourselves, seems gone
missing.
May we be blessed in the New Year
with clarity of vision - - with eyes remade for wonder.
Vicky Hanjian
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